Sam Kerr to join Socceroos side after another disappointing World Cup campaign

by David Beauchamps

A 2-0 loss to Peru sent Australia spiralling out of yet another World Cup group stage, with clouds surrounding Australia’s inability to score.


Australia crashed out of the group stage, in yet another winless World Cup.

FFA Chairman Steven Lowy today admitted that the dearth of points severely cost the Socceroos, and proposed a radical plan to end Australia’s run of early exits.

It can be revealed that Matilda’s striker and all-time leading NWSL goal scorer, Sam Kerr, has been given approval to be the first woman to represent her country in the men’s game.

Hall of Famer and part-time pundit, John Kosmina, was supportive of the move.

“She’s the only person in Aussie football that knows how to drill the ball into the back of the net. These other clowns just pissfart around in the box for an hour trying to find an opening and waste every chance they get.”

“We scored absolutely zero goals this Cup from actual good play. The Jedi drilled two penalties off hand balls, and that was it.

“After Russia there’s no one in the men’s setup who can actually kick a fucken goal. Timmy Cahill’s put his hand up to go round again in Qatar, but there’s concerns his zimmer-frame might get in the way, and whichever random clog-footed prick we get to coach us in 2022 probably won’t play him anyway.”

sam kerr

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