BRYAN FLETCHER ADDED TO IMMORTALS SHORTLIST AFTER COCAINE SCANDAL
By David Beauchamps & Roger Hermansson
Former Roosters and Souths backrower, Bryan Fletcher has been revealed as a last-minute addition to the list of greats in line to be named the ninth and tenth immortals in tomorrow night’s gala Hall of Fame ceremony.
It comes on the back of the Fox Sports star being caught up in a scandal where he was filmed allegedly buying cocaine from an Uber driver.
Fletcher has professed his innocence, however it is understood that he is considering admitting guilt after the aspersion he suffered has thrust him in line to receive Australian rugby league’s greatest honour.
The incident has led to several calls for Fletcher to be stood down from his position as chief dickhead on Fox League’s comedy league shows.
Fletcher’s co-star Matt Johns was quick to leap to his defence. “Mate, it’s not his go mate. And even if it was, history has proven that it should be no barrier to his inclusion in the Immortals,” said Johns.
“‘Joey’ couldn’t go two hours without popping a disco biscuit. Just quietly, he racked up more than Fletch bought off the cabbie either side of his acceptance speech the night he was inducted.
“‘Changa’ [Immortal Graeme Langlands] went to the Phillipines to fiddle with kids and he’s still in there. Getting on the nose beers hardly bears mentioning.”
The irony of the whole situation is that at this stage there is literally no evidence that Fletcher actually downed any of the Wall Street caffeine – but he has embraced it according to close friend and frequent Fox League collaborator Nathan Hindmarsh.
“I’m fairly sure he didn’t touch it, it was the driver being a fuckstick,” Hindmarsh said. “But when I rang him to hang shit on him, he just goes ‘I’m going to cop to it. Every other cunt that gets caught in a compromising incident seems to get a publicity boost.’ Matty Johns and half the Shire tagged up that girl in New Zealand and he’s set for life. If anything I’ll probably end up with my own show after this. I’m going to tell everyone I’ve been mainlining heroin if I have to.’ Hindmarsh recounted. “So it’s fair to say he’s not all that concerned.”